The most interesting conversation you’ve had of late is with a cat. (And it wasn’t even your cat. It was just some stray cat that happened to walk on your property one day.)
You get a Valentine addressed to Occupant.
You get home and discover your fly is wide open, and you wonder how much of the day it spent in that position. (And why nobody bothered to tell you.)
You congratulate a woman on her pregnancy and she isn’t pregnant. (Believe me, this happens more often than you think. Or maybe it’s just me.)
The last time you had a really good laugh was sometime during the Clinton Administration.
You have a dinner party and everyone coming is a vegetarian.
You see a Job posting on Monster.com for your job, and the Human Resources person at your company refuses to take your calls.