Capturing the Christmas Card -- Cat Clips #234

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In this episode: Problems arise when Michael tries to help the cats take a Christmas Card picture in their Halloween costumes.  To watch the video, please CLICK HERE.

Cat Clips -- Magical Mischief

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In this episode: While Trey and Tipi tussle in the living room, Boots attempts to develop Tuck's magical skills. And as usual, the results are quite unexpected. To watch the video, please click on the photo above.

Cat Clips -- Stage Struck

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In this episode: While Tipi investigates a miniature mechanical stage, Boots and Tuck decide to make a pact for the New Year. To watch the video, please click on the photo above.

Cat Clips -- Buccaneer Boots

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In this episode, Trey and Tuck carry out their plan to make Tipi suspicious of Boots' intentions. Please click on the photo above to watch this video.

Cat Clips -- Christmas Conspiracy

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In this episode: When Tipi and Boots sneak off to the basement to be alone, Tuck and Trey lament about their lack of Christmas spirit and romantic entanglements. To watch the video, please click on the photo above.

Don't forget to get order all your Cat Clips swag at http://shop.wizardofwit.com/

And remember, the Cat Clips Tipi and Tuck Treasure Hunt is still on. Five new prizes will be added each Friday until the end of the year. To find out how to win, be sure to watch Cat Clips #153.

Cat Clips -- Ghostly Encounter

Please click on the photo above to watch the next episode in the "Cat Clips" series. While Honey discusses the weird feelings she's been having, Tuck sees something strange in the bathroom.

Cat Clips--Infinity Fitness

Please click on the photo above to watch the next episode in the "Cat Clips" series. In this episode, Tipi doesn't understand the point of a new toy she and Tuck were given for Christmas.

Cat Clips - Christmas Pageant

Please click on the photo above to watch the next episode in the "Cat Clips" series. In this episode, Tipi and Tuck try to get Trey involved in a recreation of Honey's childhood Christmas pageant.

Cat Clips--Christmas Tinselitus

Please click on the photo above to watch the next episode in the "Cat Clips" series. While Trey and Tuck discuss the merits/hazards of Tinsel, Honey campaigns for a very specific Christmas gift.

Cat Clips--Great Christmas Egg

Please click on the photo above to watch the next episode in the "Cat Clips" series. In this episode, Trey tries to trick Tipi and Tuck into believing the big bag that holds the fake Christmas tree is actually "The Great Christmas Egg."

Cat Clips--Stunt Dreams

Please click on the photo above to watch the next episode in the "Cat Clips" series. In this episode, a lesson in stunt training leads to a discussion on dreams and Christmas.

Cat Clips--Uno Dos Trey

Please click on the photo above to watch the next episode in the "Cat Clips" series. In this episode, Tuck finally learns the male cat's real name.

Cat Clips--Garage Sale

Please click on the photo above to watch the next episode in the "Cat Clips" series. In this episode, the cats discuss their recent Thanksgiving meal, as their owners tear apart the basement.

Cat Clips--Easter Eggs & Easter Basket

Today is a special two-part Easter "Cat Clips" special. First, click on the photo above to watch Part One--"Easter Eggs." In this episode, Honey and the male cat arrange an Easter Egg hunt for Tipi and Tuck. Then, click on the photo below to watch Part Two--"Easter Basket." In this episode, Tipi and Tuck decide to "pay back" the male cat for the Easter Egg stunt. Enjoy, and Happy Easter!

I Never Knew--A Mother's Day Poem

For Mother's Day this year, I decided to write my mom a little poem. She's always been the "unsung hero" in our household, and I would like to give her a fitting tribute. My efforts are certainly less than she deserves, because her impact on my life is undoubtedly more than I can ever say. But here's my humble attempt to put my thoughts together in a creative way. I love you, Mom!

I Never Knew

I never knew my mom could laugh,
Until once late at night,
She laughed so hard she woke me up,
And gave me quite a fright.

I never knew my mom could care,
Until I got the flu,
Then night and day she stayed with me,
She helped me see it through.

I never knew my mom was proud,
Until she heard me sing,
Her face was beaming all the while,
Her eyes were watering.

I never knew my mom worked hard,
Until I saw the bills,
And how her job helped pay them all,
To free our life from ills.

I never knew my mom was strong,
Until I saw her fight,
Defending people without a voice,
To help protect their right.

I never knew my mom could cry,
Until dad took a trip,
Away on business several months,
Her tears would often drip.

I never knew that mom meant love,
Until I moved away,
Some time would pass before I knew,
I missed her every day.

I never knew my mom at all,
But now I know her better,
For truth to tell, my mom was glue,
That held our home together.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

Leader of the Quack

Happy Valentine's Day, Everyone!

The Danger of Watching Donny and Marie; The Joy of Resurrecting Sonny and Cher

Christmas is a great time to reunite with friends and family, and to share happy memories of times past. (Or is that New Year’s?) Either way, I had a very interesting Christmas this year when it came to the presents I received. Apparently I must reek of nostalgia for TV variety shows of the 1970s, because a lot of my gifts seemed to share that common theme. (I kid you not.) I was given “The Best of Donny and Marie,” “The Sonny and Cher Show,” “The Best of Laugh-In,” “Love, American Style Season One” and the weirdest selection of the bunch, “Paul Lynde’s Halloween Special.”

Some people might consider this a collection of bargain bin items. But I was actually looking forward to sitting down and reconnecting with some of the shows I thought were so great when I was younger. (With the possible exception of Paul Lynde's special, which I'd never heard of before.)

First in the line-up was “The Best of Donny and Marie,” which comprised several of their greatest episodes from the first two seasons of the show. But after watching the first three, I was surprised the show ever made it to Season Two. (Let alone Episode Two.) The sad part is that the DVD is being released as “the best” of the series; which makes me wonder just how bad “the worst” of the series is. (Perhaps those would be more interesting to watch.)

The jokes were horrible, the sketches were childish, and the singing was mostly lip-synched. How did I ever think this show was good? Or maybe I never really did; I just thought I was supposed to. After all, Donny and Marie are a part of American culture. We grew up with them; or at least I did. And though I don’t think the show translates well in today’s more sophisticated TV environment, I’m sure the simplicity of themes and dialogue might do well on a channel like Nickelodeon, or perhaps in conjunction with a show like “The Teletubbies.”

I’ll admit I’ve always had a place in my heart for Donny and Marie. Not because I was such a big fan, but because they represented the kind of nerdy optimism I wanted so badly to believe in. Their perfect smiles and happy-go-lucky attitudes were as foreign to me as the countries we’ve bombed and invaded over the past several years. Perky was not accepted in rural Ohio like it is in Hollywood; especially from a boy. But on television every week, Donny and Marie reminded me that anything was possible; even if it meant using a laugh track and ice skates to accomplish it.

So maybe my happy memories of “The Donny and Marie Show” were more about what Donnie and Marie represented rather than the actual show itself. They taught me to look for the silver lining and never wear spandex in public, and for that I will always be grateful. Their shows, however, could use a major facelift.

And that's when I wondered whether I was getting into some dangerous territory. If I didn't like the Donny and Marie show as much as I thought I did, what did that mean for the rest of my 70s memories?

Next on the viewing agenda was “The Paul Lynde Halloween Special,” which is just as creepy as you might imagine. Mr. Lynde, a regular on Hollywood Squares and Bewitched, is just not interesting enough to carry his own show. He’s much better served as a supporting player, using his signature vocal inflections to deliver a ribald punch line or two. But in this TV special, which only recently became available on DVD, he is horribly upstaged by the long list of celebrity guest stars, Donny and Marie among them.

Margaret Hamilton, the Wicked Witch in “The Wizard of Oz” reprises her famous role for the special, and is humorously aided by Witchipoo from the old “HR PufnStuf” series. Together, they drive the show forward, as Paul Lynde sort of stands around looking miserable. The highlight of the show is a horrible disco version of Harold Arlen’s “That Old Black Magic,” uncomfortably sung by Florence Henderson, who dances around the set in a floor length sequin black dress accompanied by dancers in orange Afros. Screechingly bad!

Two down. Three to go.

Finally, I decided to watch a little of the “Sonny and Cher Show,” just to make sure my memories of 70s television weren’t being irrevocably tainted by our current atmosphere of terror and cynicism. And to my relief, the show is as funny and campy today as it was when it first aired oh so many decades ago. Cher is much younger, of course, and her nose looks different. But the chemistry between these two is unquestionable.

Every time Sonny thinks he’s going to win an argument, Cher easily deflects his zingers with her deadpan attitude and delivery. It’s classic comedy, brilliantly marketed to the masses by two people who always seemed like the epitome of cool. Even when they were arguing, they were fun.

And then of course, there are Cher’s many costumes and solo performances, which have been copied and duplicated by drag queens all over the world. No wonder she’s been able to survive so long. People keep resurrecting her persona. (Although at this point, I’m not sure how many more resurrections her body can physically take.) Nevertheless, I loved this show when I was younger, and I still love it today.

Having restored my faith in the legitimacy of my happy memories, I will next move onto “Laugh In” and “Love, American Style.” But right now, I just want to bask in the glow of at least one childhood recollection restored, and one more Christmas celebrated.

I can’t even think about 2008 yet.

The Decoration of Independence

To celebrate Christmas this year, I decided to go “all out” when it came to decorating my house. I wanted to saturate my rooms with the same kind of Christmas décor I remembered from my youth. Ornaments, figurines, a wreath made out of bottle caps and bread dough. I wanted to immerse myself in the holiday spirit and cover my walls with everything red and green.

And to make sure I had enough time to successfully complete the process, I decided to begin right after Thanksgiving. That would give me nearly a month to get everything ready. Plenty of time, right?

So on Black Friday, with an overabundance of enthusiasm and caffeine, I mounted the stairs to the attic to find my collection of holiday paraphernalia. The various boxes and bags were all carefully stored together in one corner, so whenever I purchased a new ornament or decoration, it was easy to find a place for it. I would just add it to the pile.

Unfortunately, now that I was actually standing in front of the pile, trying to remember what all the boxes contained, I got a little overwhelmed. There was so much stuff. Certainly too much to effectively conquer in a mere twenty-some days. Perhaps I should have started this process much earlier. Like before Halloween.

As I pawed through my stack of holiday memorabilia, I remembered all the joy I used to have as a kid whenever holiday decorations were brought out. The whole family used to gather together to trim the tree and place all the decorations throughout the house. Even our bathroom had special décor we’d put out every year. (A toilet seat cover with Santa’s face on it. When you lifted the seat, the other side showed him covering his eyes in embarrassment.)

There was such a magical aura or spirit about the season, and for some reason the decorations had a lot to do with maintaining that ambiance. I was always sad when we had to put everything away again, because it immediately changed our house from a festive party atmosphere to something much more ordinary. And dull.

So with this in mind, I began carting the boxes of ornaments and other accoutrements down to the living room, where I piled them up in a corner for safe-keeping. This pile was eventually divided into two sections, one of which was taken down to the basement for distribution in the recreation room. Because of the number of boxes, and the awkwardness of getting them down the narrow attic stairs, the entire process took several hours to accomplish. And when it was completed, I suddenly had no desire to do anything more, let alone decorate. So I took a nap for the rest of the day.

A week went by and the boxes still remained in their piles on the floor. Every time I looked at them, I began to feel nauseous. Not because I didn’t like what they contained, but because I dreaded the day I’d have to haul them back upstairs.

And that’s when I realized I might have a bit of “selective memory” when it came to my youthful holiday experiences. Because now that I really thought about it, my family stopped decorating for the holidays sometime before I reached puberty. I was the only one who actually brought down the decorations and distributed them throughout the house. The rest of the family was too busy watching football games or doing crossword puzzles. So if I really thought about it, most of my childhood memories of domestic holiday spirit were actually manufactured by me. If I hadn’t kept up the tradition of setting up the tree and decorating it, we might have opened our presents in front of a Hallmark card.

So in reality, I wasn’t recreating a family tradition by decorating my house in style. I was recreating my own tradition. A tradition I’d carried out independently, long after other members of the family ceased to care. (I don’t mean they didn’t appreciate my efforts; they just didn’t care to help with the process.)

It is now December 20th and I haven’t even gotten through half my boxes yet. What the Hell was I thinking? How much Christmas spirit does one need to purchase until they realize enough in enough? Don’t get me wrong, I love all the Radkos and Hallmarks and lighted houses and such. But now I have enough holiday décor to supply a small village. There simply is not enough room in my house to showcase everything effectively. Or at least not in the little time I have remaining.

Next year, I think I’ll hire a display crew to come in and set everything up. That way I can still enjoy the holiday, without losing any of my spirit.

The Strange Facial Contortions of Celine Dion

I was watching Celine Dion perform on the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting last week, and was shocked to find that her strange mannerisms (once thought to be eccentric) were now getting severely out of control. As Ms. Dion sang her two lip-synched numbers, she raised and lowered her eyebrows, pursed her lips, bulged her eyes in and out, and generally overplayed every facial muscle she had. The result was an oddly entertaining performance that made me wonder if Celine Dion is actually the first documented case of living animation. There simply is no other explanation for the fluidity of movement from one bizarre expression to another.

Perhaps because she was lip-synching her songs rather than actually singing them, she felt the need to do more with her face. Or perhaps she just doesn’t understand the concept of “less is more” when it comes to interpreting the lyrics of a song. For example, you don’t actually have to act like a snowflake when you say the word “snowflake.” Although the word flake probably would apply very well here.

I’m not saying anything about Ms. Dion’s vocal abilities, because they are undeniably exceptional. She has an incredible range. But to watch her actually performing a song has become almost painful. Her over-the-top facial orchestrations are beginning to remind me of a young Norma Desmond. Or an old Dakota Fanning. It just didn’t seem like her expressions were connected to anything going on inside her head. If in fact there was anything going on at all.

Not only was Celine’s contribution to the show lip-synched, but it was probably also taped days earlier. After all, Celine sang LIVE on “Dancing with the Stars” the night before. It’s doubtful she would take a red-eye all the way back to NYC, when she’d already been there the week before. And why she decided to sing dull songs, I don’t know, but they certainly put a damper on the otherwise peppy proceedings. (With the possible exception of Taylor Swift’s uneven deconstruction of “Silent Night.”) Maybe Celine was afraid to lip-synch to a faster song because she couldn’t methodically construct that many expressions in enough time to fill the space.

But that’s just my opinion. What’s your opinion of Celine’s mannerisms?

The Duckquacker Suite