Cat Clips--AmeriCAT Idol

Please click on the photo above to watch the next installment in the "Cat Clips" series, entitled "AmeriCAT Idol." In this episode, "Honey" tries to convince the male cat to begin their own talent competition for cats.

Ten Things I Learned While Playing With My Wii

When I first heard about the Nintendo Wii, I assumed it was just another video game like any other. I had no interest or desire to learn much about it, because I lumped it into the category of “unnecessary timewasters I didn’t subscribe to.” Not to say I didn’t have my own set of timewasters (as my extensive collection of videos certainly proves), but spending time in front of my TV trying to fight and kill enemies and capture tokens was just not my idea of a good time. Then one day, instead of resisting, I actually played a few of the Wii games…and pretty much, after that, I was hooked.

It wasn’t long before I bought the Wii Fit, which includes a balance board/step that you stand on while doing most of the exercises. This might be intimidating for some people, as the daily suggested “Body Test” gives you an ongoing evaluation of your weight gains and losses. But not for me. Especially because the first time I took the daily Body Test, I was rated in the perfect weight range for my age. Naturally, I figured this meant I was in superior physical condition and could easily handle anything the Wii had to throw at me. How wrong I was. To follow are a list of things I learned about myself during my recent encounters with my Wii.

1. I have the worst balance in the world. (Well, maybe not the worst—I think Paula Abdul is pretty unbalanced as well.) But whether I’m trying to hit soccer balls that are being thrown at my head, or skiing down a slope weaving in and out of flags, I just don’t have control of my balance the way I thought I did. This was especially evident one day when I got a little carried away during a ski jump, and actually put a dent in my basement ceiling with my head. I think I probably also put a dent in my head from the basement ceiling, but that isn’t as noticeable.


2. My weight can fluctuate by as much as ten pounds a day. Well, this isn’t really true, but for a while it appeared as if the Wii was having difficulty giving me an accurate weight count. As I mentioned, on the first day I took the Body Test, I landed in the “good weight range” category. But when I took the same Body Test the following day, I had gained eight pounds, and the Wii told me I was now overweight. In fact, a little disapproving voice even tells you “You’re overweight!” (Just like your Mother used to…or was that just me?!!!) Then two days later when I took the test again, I’d lost three pounds, then I gained ten, then lost four. Apparently, if you use the Wii Fit board on carpeting, you need to add the extensions to get an accurate count. Once I did that, my weight returned to normal…but for a while there, I was getting a little concerned about my metabolism.


3. The Wii image you create for yourself (called a Mii) actually goes up and down in weight when you do. So during my aforementioned bout with the daily Body Tests, my Mii image fluctuated between an Ed Norton and a Ralph Kramden.


4. I’m very competitive. And because you get a score at the end of each exercise, it motivates you to constantly do better.


5. Did I mention I’m very competitive? This became increasingly evident when I had some friends over to play, and some of them beat my existing scores on a few of the games. And though I tried to suppress it at the time, I have not stopped trying to beat some of those higher scores during my daily routine.


6. I don’t like machines asking me questions. Especially when they can’t really respond to my answer. But one of the “highlights” of your daily training session is to be bombarded with questions about your eating and exercising habits. For instance, if you skip a day of exercise, one of the first things the Wii says to you is: “Too busy to work out yesterday, eh?” (Bee-yatch!!!!) Or if you happened to gain a few pounds, the Wii makes you select a reason for the weight gain. And if you choose “Don’t know,” it harasses you for the next few days until you finally admit you like to eat late night snacks. (Double Bee-yatch!)


7. Just when you think you know a routine, the Wii throws in a curveball. For example, one of the exercises is called an Island run, which is basically a “running in place” type of workout whereby you follow another Mii on the television screen as they run around a beautifully animated island. You don’t use the balance board for this exercise, but you do have to keep the Wii remote either in your pocket or your hand so the computer can accurately measure your performance. But what’s really cool is that you don’t always go to the same place each time. Sometimes the Mii takes you one way and another day it might take you another. You also aren’t always following the same person each time, so it’s like you have a whole new group of friends to hang out with. (They don’t really talk to you, but they certainly smile and wave a lot.)


8. The Wii games are populated with many, many people. In fact, many of the games have you actually performing in front of people, or working out alongside groups of other athletes. And when you win, everyone cheers you on. If only that would happen more often in real life.


9. I don’t confuse the Wii with Oui (the hardcore magazine) any more.


10. Exercising is fun. Again.

But that’s just me. What kinds of things have you learned from your Wii?

Scan Wars: A Case of Crazy at the Cash Register

Did you ever have a dream job that had nothing to do with reality? In other words, it wasn’t really an occupation you planned on pursuing, or in any way connected to your career path, but it just looked like a fun job to have.

When I was a kid, my dream job was to manage my own store. At the time, I wanted it to be a comic book store, or something to do with entertainment, but ultimately it didn’t really matter. As long as I had the ability to create the space, set up displays, design marketing materials, and run the cash register, I would be happy. But as there weren’t too many twelve-year-old entrepreneurs in my area, I had to settle for repurposing my bedroom to achieve my goal. And repurpose I did. I spent days setting up the bed, desk and other furniture so the room took on the look of a small convenience store. As people entered the room, they passed a counter that displayed current comic books and movie paraphernalia, as well as a copy of the latest store circular (All printed out by hand).

It didn’t matter to me that my parents were the only ones who ever visited the store; my active imagination dreamed of a day when I could expand beyond the confines of my rather limited accommodations. Perhaps even create a chain of bedroom-inspired boutiques.

Until that time, however, I would have to settle for continually redesigning and reorganizing the same10 x 10 space. My father was always fascinated with what he called my “knack for creating environments,” and even attempted to purchase several items during one of his visits. But this is where a real store and my version differed. I never wanted to actually sell anything I had on display; I just wanted it to look like I was selling items. Which really meant my room was more of a museum than a store, but why quibble?

Yet despite my bedroom’s continuing evolution as a non-commerce venue, the one key ingredient I always lacked was a cash register. And to be honest, the cash register was one of the main reasons I wanted a store. I’m not sure why, but I always found the buttons and noises and rings so fascinating. And even though it was nothing more than a glorified adding machine, there was something almost powerful about the person who got to operate it. (At least in my eyes.) They controlled the money. They controlled the transaction. They controlled the machine with all the bells and whistles.

Like many kids, I thought being a cashier would be a fun job. You got to “play” on the cash register all day, count out lots of money, and talk to all the customers. It seemed like such a cool and powerful position to have. And yet, all during my teenage years, I never had a job that allowed me to work behind a cash register. It wasn’t until college, when I worked at the school bookstore, that I actually had my turn behind the machine. Finally, my “right of passage” into the world of commerce and commercialism had been achieved. And yet after a few months of “living the dream,” I eventually realized my “cash register fantasies” were perhaps a little misplaced.

These days I no longer have the desire to be a cashier, though I sometimes have a slight relapse every time I go to a grocery store checkout. Especially if I get to use one of those self-serve checkout lanes, where you scan the products yourself. I don’t know why, but I love doing it. I love scanning the item, hearing it beep, and then sending the item down the conveyer belt to be packaged by the bag boy. (Which also happens to be me.)

Lately, I’ve even begun to notice a competitive streak that comes over me when I’m at one of these check-outs. As if I’m in some kind of race with the other self-serve lanes, trying to get my groceries down the conveyer belt and into the bags before anyone else. And if I happen to notice someone watching me while I’m scanning, I begin to do little tricks with the items as if I’m putting on some kind of show. (Pathetic, really, as I can’t imagine many people who would ever pay good money to see someone performing grocery acrobatics. Except maybe in Europe.)

But the really weird part comes when I notice a new customer pulling up to the check-out lanes and deciding which line they’re going to stand in. This is when I really feel the pressure to be the best scanner in the store. I begin to sweat as I see them watching me along with the other contestants…er, I mean customers. Which line will they choose? (Pick me, pick me. I’m the best.)

Are they noticing how I find each bar code quickly and run it through the scanner? Are they amazed when I can find a vegetable key code without the use of reading glasses? Are they thrilled when I don’t hold up the line further with a multitude of coupons I must try to stuff into the abnormally small coupon slot? Or are they wondering when the nice men in white coats are going to come and take me away? Whatever their thoughts might be, I get a ridiculous sense of satisfaction when they choose mine. How sad that my sense of self worth can now be measured by a scanner.

But that’s just me. What would your silly dream job be?

Why I Don’t Play Video Games

I am always amazed when someone is willing to sit in front of a television set for hours at a time just so they can get to the next level of a video game. I myself have never been interested in this type of activity, because you don’t really win anything when the game is over. Sure, you get a cool cyber car to drive in, and you may live in a very expensive cyber home, with beautiful cyber kids and all the cyber money you could want. But so what?

Once you leave the television set, you also leave all those exciting acquisitions behind. It’s like the old adage, “you can’t take it with you.” Only in this case, you can’t take it anywhere, because none of it really exists to begin with.

Now if video games were constructed differently, and you really won something at the end of every game, I might never stop playing them. After all, I love to win stuff. I just like the stuff I win to be made out of physical materials, not colorful animated pixels.

It doesn’t mean I look down on anyone who spends their time this way, though. I just don’t have the energy myself to fight an army of cyber villains when there are so many other things to occupy my manpower. Like fighting an army of mounting bills, or slashing through an overgrown lawn. These are the true villains I fight on a daily basis. And the cool thing is, when I defeat them, I really do get satisfaction at the end. Because that’s one less bill to pay and a few more weeks respite from lawn mowing.

But I know I’m in the minority here. I have plenty of friends addicted to Playstation or Xbox who constantly tell me about their latest challenge or recent victory. Which is fine, except when they start talking about these cyber victories as if they were actual accomplishments, like going to Harvard or finding a cure for Cancer. One of my friends even went so far as to plan an engagement party for his upcoming nuptials to Princess Zelda of the Hyrule Royal Family. And he was serious about it too. (He has since been diagnosed with a complex psychological disorder, though he assures me he’ll be fully recovered before the wedding takes place.)

I do like the graphics in video games, though. As a graphic artist, I know what kind of work is involved in creating those incredible images. It ain’t easy. And the detail and imagination that goes into some of these games is incredible. But I’d much rather sit and watch the graphics go by, like watching a cartoon, than have to pick up a gamepad and participate.

But that’s just me. What about you? What do you like best about video games?