Are Joan and Melissa Rivers the Next “Grey Gardens”?

While watching the recent embarrassing season of “The Apprentice,” it struck me that the bond between Joan and Melissa Rivers is very similar to that of Big Edie and Little Edie Beale, who are once again popular because of the recent wave of television and theatrical productions surrounding the famous “Grey Gardens” story. For those of you who don’t know, The Beales were a mother and a daughter who lived in squalor for many years in their slowly decaying house in the Hamptons. The decline of the house and property has forever come to symbolize the physical and mental decline of the Beales themselves, whose combative relationship was perhaps the only thing that helped them survive the tough and uncleanly conditions. They also happen to be relatives of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy, which is how they became notoriously famous in the first place.

At any rate, watching Joan and Melissa Rivers walk and talk on screen is like witnessing two animatronic wax figures moving about in real life. Their lack of facial expressions is only part of the strange plastic mass that makes up their reconstructed heads. To me, they look more like puppets than people…two marionettes fully capable of some sort of movement, but without the ability to do much with their faces, except open and shut their eyes and mouths. And even then, it doesn’t look quite natural.

In her heyday, Joan Rivers was one of the funniest women alive. I remember growing up thinking she was bitchy and catty, but in a fun way. Then came the red carpet years, which to me were embarrassing and painful. She wasn’t good at interviewing people, she didn’t know who most of the celebrities were, and she could be downright nasty…which is not the same thing as being funny. And with sidecar Melissa attached to her like some kind of unwelcome barnacle, Joan spit her way through years of boring and uninspired red carpet routines, and probably just as many plastic surgeries.

On this season of “The Apprentice,” she is both funny and sad. Sometimes her self-righteous attitude and over-protective motherly instinct drain a lot of the energy out of the mostly apathetic cast, but it is her relationship with her daughter that is most disturbing. They seem to balance each other’s neurosis with the kind of chemistry you mostly find in Petrie dishes. And though Melissa will tell you at any opportunity that she is more than just her mother’s shadow; she also has umpteen years experience as a major producer of quality television (Though she neglects to mention that most--if not all--of those shows featured her mother as the lead. Methinks she doth protest too much, no?)

And so, like Big Edie and Little Edie, the Rivers women will scratch and claw their way through delusional lives while the rest of watch as if we are witnessing a car accident that never ends.

But that’s just me. What’s your opinion of Joan and Melissa Rivers?

When Comediennes Lose their Novelty

I remember an old episode of “The Brady Bunch” or “Family Affair” or one of those other moralistic family shows of the sixties or seventies where each episodes ends with a proper lesson learned. On this particular episode, famous character actor Jack Gilford (the Cracker Jack guy) made an appearance as an eccentric Uncle. His character was always telling these corny, outdated jokes that made everyone around him groan. Or maybe he was doing corny magic tricks that weren’t that good. (Ah, yes, I remember it well…sort of.)

Anyway, one of the kids (maybe Jan or Buffy or perhaps even Opie from “Andy Griffith”) complained to his/her parent that the Uncle embarrassed him/her with all his old corny jokes and/or magic tricks, and of course the Uncle happened to overhear it. Naturally, this led to a few heart-wrenching scenes whereby the kids all learned a very valuable lesson on how to deal with such a colorful character. You simply placate them. By the end of the episode, everyone was laughing and enjoying the Uncle’s jokes or tricks because they were trying to appreciate him for who he was, rather than how funny his material was. But is placating really the answer? Perhaps Mr. Gilford’s character would have been better off knowing his material stinks, and he should either update it or happily retire to the Old Folk’s Home for Irrelevant Screwballs. (Or what some people refer to as Congress.)

I bring this up because I was fascinated with the recent publicity circus surrounding Mike Meyer’s latest effort “The Love Guru,” and how badly the movie did at the box office. Even with an uncomfortably forced appearance on “American Idol” and a publicity blitz akin to Jerry Seinfeld’s embarrassing campaign for “Bee Movie,” people really didn’t care to see it. Was it because Mike Meyers is no longer funny? Or because he’s been notoriously portrayed in the press as a self-righteous perfectionist that is difficult to work with, and therefore no longer funny? Or perhaps there’s only a certain amount of time a comedienne is allowed to remain at the top of his craft before he eventually sinks into comic obscurity.

Consider Chevy Chase. In the seventies, no one could touch him. Even in the eighties, he still was a box office bonanza. But now, he is relegated to infrequent guest appearances on television shows, and a couple straight-to-video movie gigs. So what happened? Did the public finally catch up to the fact that most comediennes only really have one basic persona they play? And though they try to dress it up with different costumes and occupations, eventually the public will get sick of seeing the same thing over and over again. Even with “The Love Guru,” Mike Meyers is basically playing the same character he played in the Austin Powers movie. The name, costumes and devices may be different, but he’s still an over-the-top character with little regard for the people around him. Or maybe the public just sensed the desperation in Mr. Myers need to create a new franchise, and wasn’t particularly eager to support it. It’s a pity. Because now we’ll never know whether “Love Guru 2” would have featured a Mini-Me-Love-Guru or Beyonce in Sari swapping contest.

Eddie Murphy has made a career of using “devices” such as fat suits, multiple characters, special powers, ghosts, etc. to create the illusion that he has comedic range. But the latest efforts like Norbert seem like sad attempts to recapture the glory he once had. I think Will Ferrell might be falling into this trap too. Is it just me, or do all his movies seem the same? A befuddled egocentric moron with some kind of offbeat occupation goes through a belabored journey to enlightenment. And along the way, he meets every character actor who ever worked on “Saturday Night Live” or is currently in the public eye. Ironically, the one Will Ferrell movie I actually enjoyed in recent years was the one most people hated, “Stranger than Fiction.” But it was the first time I actually saw a person behind the mask…or at least part of a person. And though he wasn’t laugh-out-loud funny, I really enjoyed his performance. Much better than the tired comedy of “Talladega Nights” or “Blades of Glory.” (And I have absolutely no desire to see “Step Brothers.” It just looks like Long Day’s Journey into Tedium.)

But that’s just me. What do you think of comediennes who have somehow lost their humor?

Bird Bits--House Hunting

Please click on the photo above to watch a short one-minute movie from the "Bird Bits" series entitled "House Hunting." In this episode, a Cardinal realtor is showing a Robin some new bird house options.