Bird Bits--Wing Sync

In this special live-action edition of "Bird Bits," we get a behind-the-scenes glimpse of the latest Boy Bird Band in the making. The footage was shot during one of my camping trips this summer, and clearly illustrates some rather interesting nest cleaning habits I'd never witnessed before. To watch the short video, please click on the photo above.

The Legend of the Magic Bowl

Once there was a magic bowl,
That many claimed a “muse,”
But as to who would feel its power,
The bowl would get to choose.

For only those with purest heart,
Would ever know its wealth,
For some, it made them super rich,
For some, gave perfect health.

But once you felt its special touch,
You had to pass it on,
To share the magic was its gift,
For you and everyone.

Of course, some people didn’t care,
To share the magic bowl,
They tried to keep it for themselves,
A rather selfish goal.

On these occasions, the bowl would change,
And turn into a sieve,
For life is not retaining much,
Until you learn to give.

But still some men would say the bowl,
Was only for a few,
It’s power only given to,
Whoever “they” approved.

They made the bowl the symbol of,
A mass discrimination,
And claimed the bowl gave reasons for,
Their planned eradication.

They taught us lies about the bowl,
That furthered their agenda,
And didn’t care what lives they ruined,
Or who they did offend-a.

The bowl was never meant to be,
A reason for destruction,
In fact, this usage contradicts,
Its magical construction.

For Kindness doesn’t separate,
Or judge or hate or kill,
It doesn’t use the Magic Bowl,
To bend the people’s will.

That’s why the bowl will never yield to,
Abusers of its magic,
For when they use its name in vein,
The result is always tragic.

Until the day we learn to live,
In peace and harmony,
The bowl will not its power give,
Till Kindness reigns supreme.

Cat Clips--Olympic Dreams

Even though the Olympics are now over, they will live on in our memories. In this episode of "Cat Clips," the two cats have very different ideas about what might make a good new Olympic sport. Please click on the photo above to watch the short two minute video.

Winners of the "Quickie" Contest

Thanks to everyone who entered my "Quickie" contest over the weekend. I was overwhelmed by the number of responses, so I decided to increase the number of winners to five. The lucky winners are listed below. But if you didn't win this time, don't worry. I intend to have more contests in the near future.

Winners---please send your mailing address to feedback@wizardofwit.com and I will be happy to mail out your prize package this week. (Just in time to wear it over Labor Day weekend...heh, heh) Also, please let me know what size you prefer: SM, MD, LG, XL.

1. Rose of Waterrose Designs
2. Debbie Lane of Wisdom Hynosis
3. Matthew Urdan of Meltwater. Torrents. Meandering. Delta.
4. Amy Deaton of Amyoops!
5. Sandy Schultz from Wit's Bitch

Congrats to all the winners.

Henson’s Hell Celebrates Over 110,000 Views on YouTube With A “Quickie” Contest

Last week, I reached the first benchmark in my filmmaking endeavors when my video views on YouTube passed the 100,000 mark. And though this may not be particularly impressive to any of the YouTube regulars, who average 100,000 hits every time they post a video, it is quite an accomplishment for someone who has only been at it for a very short time.

Beginning in April of this year, I began making a series of short one and two minute “quickie” films, and then posting them on YouTube. I was really just having fun, and not really thinking much about where it would all lead, until I began getting comments and e-mails from people about them. Particularly the “Cat Clips” videos, which seem to be developing an almost cult-ish following. The majority of the feedback has always been very positive and supportive, which just inspired me to keep trying out new ideas and new forms of film-making. And while I admit they have not always been successful, I certainly have learned and grown through the process.

The success of the short films also encouraged me to launch a new website this summer called wizardofwit.com. This website houses all the videos in one place, as well as links to “Henson’s Hell” and the online mystery “It Happened in Plainfield.” In fact, sometimes the Wizard of Wit website premieres the videos long before they make it to “Henson’s Hell” because of how I like to space out my blog postings. (I like my blog to have a nice mix of written posts and video posts, giving my viewers a multitude of media options when they visit my site. Or at least two options. Maybe more will follow, although at this point I'm not quite sure what they might be. Interactive Karaoke. perhaps?)

So now that I’ve passed the 100,000 mark with my little series of films (actually 111,604 as of 8 am this morning), I would like to hold a small contest to help celebrate the event. And so, I’ve decided to give-away a very special “Henson’s Hell/Wizard of Wit” Limited-Edition Prize Package to some of my loyal readers. I will be giving away three prize packages to three lucky “Henson’s Hell” readers. Each Prize Package contains a “Need a Quickie?” t-shirt (available in S, M, L or XL) and six limited-edition buttons featuring scenes from the various YouTube films, as well as a special “Henson’s Hell” version.

The only stipulation for entering the contest is the promise that you will actually wear the t-shirt out in public---and not just use it as a nightshirt or another dust rag. In fact, if you win the prize package and actually take a picture of yourself wearing the t-shirt out in public, I will feature it in a future blog posting. You can even pose similar to the “Henson’s Hell” picture, with your hand covering up the top portion of your face. That way, if you are shy or would like to remain somewhat anonymous, you don’t have to expose your entire face to the world. (Hey, it works for me.)

So, if you would like to enter the contest, simply send an e-mail to feedback@wizardofwit.com which includes your name and your preferred e-mail address. Then, on Monday, August 25 I will throw all the entrees into a hat, and select the lucky three. (Those people will then be contacted in order to get their proper mailing address information.)

So there you have it. A contest to celebrate a benchmark. Good luck.

And remember, send your name and e-mail info to feedback@wizardofwit.com

Note: The buttons pictured above are prototypes. The text on the final buttons might differ slightly, though they will still have the same pictures.

Deer Droppings--Summer Vacation 2008

Summer's almost over, so it seemed like a perfect time to do a little humorous commentary on this summer's highlights. Please click on the photo above to watch a short video from the "Deer Droppings" series that features a song parody of the Monkees classic hit "Last Train to Clarksville." And then feel free to let me know if you experienced any of this on your summer vacation. Enjoy!

I Was Cop Blocked in Rehoboth Beach!

I just got back from a week’s vacation in sunny and scenic Bethany Beach. For those of you who’ve never been, Bethany is a very pleasant little ocean community in Delaware that mostly caters to families and couples. Unlike the more socially exciting neighboring communities of Dewey Beach and Rehoboth, Bethany Beach has purposely made itself a quieter destination for people who want to avoid the massive crowds or the presence of drunken college-age students. Indeed, Bethany’s main boardwalk boasts little more than a board and a walk, and a small shopping area which could easily be covered in a few hours, if not a quick fifteen minutes.

A friend of mine had rented a beach house for a week, and several of us went down to help him populate the rooms. And though we all got along wonderfully, there were several siblings among the guests that managed to cause chaos and drama on more than one occasion. Obviously the arguments were rooted in some deep-seeded anger between the family members, and it became increasingly uncomfortable to be around them as the week advanced.

One afternoon, to avoid this type of hysteria, I decided to take a solo trip to nearby Rehoboth Beach, where I could explore the many great stores and restaurants in peace. So I hopped into my PT Cruiser convertible, put the top down, and roared down the highway toward my destination, the radio blasting some great tunes as I drove along.

But once I got into Rehoboth, I was astonished at how crowded the town was, and how few parking spaces I could actually find. The other issue was the matter of money to put into the parking meters. Apparently, they only took quarters, which I was fresh out of. So I decided to try one of the side streets to see if maybe there was any free parking I could take advantage of.

On one particular street, I passed an empty space and needed to do a U-turn if I wanted to park there. As there weren’t any other cars coming down either side of the street, I was easily able to go through the U-turn process without much difficulty. Although because of the narrowness of the street, I needed to go into reverse and forward several times before I was actually able to make the rather sharp turn. Still, there were no cars behind or in front of me, so I wasn’t under pressure to perform this maneuver with any kind of haste.

No sooner had I accomplished my task, than I saw a police car flashing its lights and coming at me from the front. Naturally, I pulled over to the side so he could pass on my left, which he did rather quickly. I also rolled down my window to ask a local resident if it was okay to park in the blank spot I’d found. Unfortunately it was not; I would need to buy a permit to park in that particular area. Crap! That would mean I would still need to find either another parking area. But as I started to pull out to continue my search, the police car that had passed me before was suddenly speeding up behind me, with his siren blaring and lights flashing.

My heart stopped, as it was clearly evident now that the cop was after me. I’m sure you can imagine the many thoughts that began flashing through my head. Had he just seen me do a U-turn on the empty side street? Were u-turns illegal in Rehoboth? Or had I done something else that was wrong? As I pulled over to the side, the cop also pulled over and stopped his car. And that’s when a second police car came roaring around the corner in front of me with his siren blaring and lights flashing. That’s also when I began feeling rather sick. What could I have possibly done to justify this kind of police attention? Was my car similar to some car that was recently in a robbery or domestic squabble?

As the police car stopped in front of me, I began to feel my world closing in. The plot of “North by Northwest” suddenly popped into my head, as I recounted how Cary Grant was mistaken for some kind of secret agent, turning his world completely upside down in a matter of minutes. And now the same thing was happening to me. I was obviously being mistaken for some kind of wanted criminal, because there was no other reason why these two police cars would need to block me in from both angles.

I began to feel in my pocket for my wallet, hoping that when they realized I wasn’t Public Enemy Number #1, they might go a little easier on me. Taking my wallet out as quickly as I could, my hands shaking as if I had Parkinson’s Disease, I extracted the license and rolled down the window to confront my fate. And that’s when something weird happened. As I glanced into my rearview mirror to watch the policeman get out of his car, I noticed that he was not running toward my car, but rather in the opposite direction. Then the other police car that had parked in front of me suddenly went into gear again, and drove past me in the direction the other cop was running.

As I sat there in my car, wondering what to do next, I noticed two college age guys standing across the street watching the whole proceedings. They each had a beer in their hand, and were no doubt wondering what was going on as much as I was. But when the cops went in the other direction, and didn’t seem to be after me at all, I simply shrugged at the two guys in bewilderment. This caused them to burst out laughing so hard, that I’m sure I must have turned a few shades of red. As I sped away down the street, I noticed them still laughing and pointing, no doubt excited that they now had a new story to share with all their drinking buddies at the next Frat party. “You should have seen this loser in a PT Cruiser the other day…” Ugh!

After that, I managed to find a parking space, and kept a rather low profile as I walked through Rehoboth. God knows I didn’t want any more trouble to contend with. That night I told the story to my housemates in Bethany, only to cause yet another brawl between the siblings who couldn’t seem to agree as to who was the better driver in their family. Instead of witnessing this rather heated exchange, I decided to go to bed. I’d had enough drama for one day.

But that’s just me. How about you? Have you ever been in a situation like this before?